The room is silent as sunlight floods through the open window. Unlike the last time, there was light in the room. Unlike last time, I am seated right before it.

My body sat firm. I sensed a great peace preparing to engulf me. 

Has the sun always felt this warm? A radiance as addicting as it was inspiring? 

My eyes stare onwards. I see the wind swaying my curtains around. 

Has the breeze always swept this gently? A chill as soothing as it was welcoming? 

My arms cross as I lean back against the wall. I felt an ease bubbling from my chest. 

Has the day always been this beautiful? A magnificence as breathtaking as it was real?

  A brief, firm knock, draws my attention to the closed door. I do not rise to open it, only continue as I am. But the guest enters anyway, and the door creaks open.

A single individual. With a sly smirk worn on her lips. 

“Look at you. Any more extreme, and you’d spew enlightenment from those eyes.”

A single individual. With a playful look in her eyes. 

“Look at you. Any more at ease, and you’d dismiss the illusion that you were ever in conflict.” 

A single girl. With her arms, crossed like mine. 

“If you could see yourself now. Perhaps you too, would finally see what I saw.” 

  The guest is a smoky mist, but I have no trouble recognizing her features. She leans against the bright open doorway. We exchange an open stare. 

I feel myself nod. Scoffing as I return her smile. 

“Perhaps its better I do not see myself now. That I will forever look forward, to rediscovering this peace.” 

I feel myself laugh. Chuckling as I share in her tease. 

“Perhaps its better I do not see myself now. That I do not spend eternity admitting you were right.” 

I feel myself sigh. Exhaling as I share in her sentiment. 

“Perhaps its better I do not see myself now. That I will remember for eternity, the journey I had to endure to be here today.”  

  Heartful laughter, bellows from the guest’s chest. Laughing uncontrollably, she reels over to clutch her stomach. Wiping tears from her eyes, she stops to meet my confused stare. 

She shakes her head. Dismissing the things I said. 

“And so it is understood. That comfort, is the root of corruption.”

She shakes her head. Refuting the beliefs I held. 

“And so it is to be remembered. That power, is the omen of downfall.”

She shakes her head. Denying the justifications I spared. 

“And so it is realized. That forgiveness, is offered only by those who are genuine in their care.”

  Her words strike me like thunder. They singe my mind, burning away the shadows that clung to my doubts. Perhaps she was right, yet again. 

Right in her words. Forgiveness, is such a difficult thing to request.

If it is only those who are meant to stay that give it. Why couldn’t I forgive myself?

Right in her words. Power, is such a pointless means for control. 

If it is only meant to help us find North. Why do I feel just as lost with it?

Right in her words. Comfort, was never one whose company I much enjoyed. 

If it is only meant to cloud the pain. Why does it hurt all the same? 

  The girl walks over, and taps me gently on the head. She wakes me from my tangent, reeling me back from the vast beyond. I look up, and she imparts me words.

“You may have lost yourself, for a minute.”

“But will you let it be the reason you lose the rest of the hour?”

“You may have dulled yourself, indulging in what wasn’t real.” 

“But will you let it take from you, what is?”

“You may choose to remember things, as flawless and perfect.”

“But will you lie to yourself that it was ever that, even for a second?”

  We share another gaze of silence, and she smiles at me gently. It was such a warm feeling, being smiled at. But I realize I always had it, my memory just chose to omit it. 

I have always been surrounded by people. 

It was only ever my choice, to be neglecting of those who were always beside me. 

I have always been surrounded by truth. 

It was only ever my doing, to fall prey to the seducing lies of someone from the outside. 

I have always been surrounded by love. 

It was only ever my own blindness, that shackled me to those who would never stay.

  “No more,” I whisper, as I see recognition flash in the girl’s eyes. But the light did not belong to her. Her eyes merely reflected what she saw in mine. 

I recognized my mistakes. After all, I have been beating myself with them for years. 

“But how long more, must I endure? Reminding me of my own ugliness?” 

I recognized my irrationality. After all, I have been nothing but that, for months.

“But how long more, must I lie? Telling myself it was solely my own fault?” 

I recognized my failures. After all, I bear them upon my shoulders, every second. 

“But how long more, must I go? Being dragged down, by those who will not be missed?”  

“No more,” the girl answers, as she turns around to leave. She steps back outside the doorway, but turns to look at me. She beckons me to follow, with only the slightest tilt of her cheek.

“So you wish to be free,” she said, 

“But that freedom won’t come cheap. It costs but a simple price: that you learn to carry on.”

“So you wish to be righteous,” she said, 

“But such a thing does not exist. It takes a tainted hand, to harvest all that success has to yield.”

“So you wish to be human,” she said, 

“Then start, by relinquishing your hatred. It takes a humble mind, to see that you already are.” 

She reaches out a hand.

Hastily, I rise to take it.

It was the first I’d been back on my feet in a while, but my legs held me firm.